Mindset Shifts to Navigate Change

Mindset Shifts #1 and #2: Putting Them Into Practice

In our recent blog, When Life Changes Your Plans, we shared four mindset shifts to help you navigate hard, unexpected change. The response told us you wanted more regarding how to actually set them in motion and live them.

So, over the next two weeks, we’re going deeper. 

This week we start with the first two shifts and share practical, step-by-step strategies that you can implement right away.

Mindset Shift #1

Move from “what’s happening to me?” to “what is this asking of me?

When something hard hits, such as a job loss, a diagnosis, a relationship ending, the mind’s first move is completely natural: it tries to make sense of what just happened. The brain is structured to search for predictability and tries to regain control in a moment that feels uncertain.

When “What’s happening to me?” becomes the question we focus on, it keeps us anchored to the past, positions us as passive, and quietly feeds the rumination loop, that exhausting cycle of replaying, re-analyzing, and re-experiencing what went wrong. Questions such as

• Why is this happening?
• What did I do wrong or what did I do to deserve this?
• How do I fix this?

The longer we stay in these questions, the harder it is to move forward.

So why not ask yourself a new question? “What is this asking of me?” does something immediate and important: it shifts your brain from reaction to response. 

Neurologically, it activates the prefrontal cortex, the seat of problem-solving and perspective, and begins to quiet the amygdala’s alarm system (fight-flight-freeze response). In plain terms, it moves you from the spinning reel to reflection.

• You move from analysis → to action
• From helplessness → to agency
• From stuck → to forward

You go from someone who “things” are happening to, to someone who can choose how to respond.

How to Practice It:

Step 1: Notice when you’re in the old question. 

When you catch yourself replaying the event or spiraling into “why me?” simply name it: “I’m asking the wrong question.” That awareness alone interrupts the loop.

Step 2: Pause and breathe. 

Take three slow deep breaths before you try to think your way forward: breathe in at the count of 4, hold for the count of 4, exhale for the count of 4. A regulated nervous system can access rational thinking. A dysregulated one cannot.

Step 3: Write the new question at the top of a blank page. 

“What is this asking of me?” Then write freely. You’re not looking for perfect answers; you’re looking for forward movement. 

Consider the following questions:

🔹What strength is this calling forward in me? 
🔹What do I need to release? 
🔹What kind of person do I want to be on the other side of this?

The answers to these questions will lead you to action. Maybe that means having a conversation you’ve been avoiding, setting a new boundary, asking for help, taking care of your health, or letting go of something that no longer works.

Step 4: Choose one response. 

From everything you wrote, identify one thing, one quality to develop, one step to take, one belief to reconsider. Small is not only fine; small is ideal. Then build from there.
Because when you decide not to shift and stay in “why me?”:

• You reinforce powerlessness
• You increase rumination
• You delay action

And over time, that becomes emotional exhaustion.

Mindset Shift #2

“I’ve lost control” ➡️ “I can influence what matters.”

One of the most disorienting aspects of unexpected change is the feeling that the ground beneath you has disappeared. Someone or something pulled the rug beneath your feet: your plans, your timeline, your sense of what comes next, all of it suddenly feels unreliable. 

And in response, most of us do the very human thing of gripping harder: over-planning, over-researching, replaying decisions, scanning for every possible outcome.

It feels like control. It isn’t. It’s anxiety wearing the costume of productivity.

When we try to control what we can’t, we ignore what we can influence.
And what does influence actually looks like?

Influence is quieter than control. It looks like:

• Having an honest conversation instead of waiting for someone else to fix things
• Asking for help instead of managing the situation alone
• Making one small decision instead of waiting until everything is clear to take action
• Taking care of your body and sleep, which directly affects how your brain processes difficulty

These are not small acts. They are the building blocks of momentum and momentum is what changes how change feels.

How to Practice It:

Step 1: Do a control audit. 

Take a piece of paper and draw two columns. On one side: “Within my control.” On the other: “Not within my control.” Then list every worry, fear, and concern you’re carrying, placing it in the corresponding column. Take a break and come back to this exercise. Review and edit. Perhaps you’ll realize that there are items that you can actually transfer to the “within my control” column. This single exercise, done honestly, is clarifying in a way that thinking alone rarely achieves.

Step 2: Work only the left column. 

For everything in the “within my control” column, identify one concrete action. Not a list of twenty. One. This is where your energy belongs. This is where you begin. 

Step 3: Practice a releasing phrase for the right column. 

For the things you cannot control, you need a way to acknowledge them without being consumed by them. A simple phrase said quietly to yourself, like “I notice I’m trying to control this and I need to let it go,” creates just enough distance to stop the spiral.

Step 4: Return to this practice daily. 

The illusion of control doesn’t dissolve once. Especially during sustained uncertainty, this is a daily practice, not a one-time exercise.

So where to start?

You don’t need to tackle both shifts at once. Pick the one that resonates most right now and give it one week of deliberate practice. Notice what changes, not just in your thinking, but in how you feel moving through your days.

Change is hard. But how we relate to it is something we can learn to shift. And that shift, practiced consistently, is what turns an overwhelming season into a navigable one. 

One last thought: be curious about the person you become when you embrace change. It’s a learning experience and a growth experience.

Remember: Small Steps, Big Impact.

Next week we will share how to put into motion mindshifts #3 and #4: Interrupting rumination and borrowing from your past resilience.