Why who you surround yourself with determines how far you go
"The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships."
Last week, while attending the 2026 Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association in Washington, D.C., we had the privilege of spending several days learning from outstanding colleagues, exploring new research, and discussing emerging ideas in psychology, leadership, and mental health.
Every evening, we looked forward to something much simpler.
Relaxing dinners.
While DC offers some remarkable restaurants, we looked forward to our evenings mostly because this time of the day became our opportunity to slow down together.
Before the meals arrived, we reflected on what we had learned throughout the day. We talked about interesting presentations, colleagues we had reconnected with, and new ideas that were beginning to take shape to further support our work. And as they often do, our conversations naturally turned to family and friends, reminiscing about loving times shared or about upcoming times together.
These conversations also served as a reminder of something we frequently share with others: we don't simply build successful careers. We build lives. And we only have this one life on Earth.
One evening we were dining in a beautiful French restaurant. The atmosphere invited conversation. Soft lighting. Elegant architecture. Wonderful food. The kind of place where memories are made.
Yet, part of what we observed was difficult to ignore.
Across the room sat a couple. They faced each other, but neither looked up. Both were absorbed in their phones.
Nearby was a family of four. Mom and the children were scrolling on their devices while Dad quietly looked around the restaurant, occasionally glancing toward his family with little interaction taking place.
At another table, a young couple enjoyed animated conversation throughout dinner. Then one of them stepped away for only a few moments. Within seconds, the other instinctively reached for the phone and began scrolling.
None of these moments were dramatic. In fact, they looked completely ordinary. And perhaps that's exactly what concerns us.
We have become so accustomed to filling every pause, every quiet moment, every opportunity for reflection with digital activity that we rarely notice what we're giving up.
Not just attention, but something much more vital and meaningful: connection.
Sustainable Success Requires Sustainable Relationships
At Love Your Work and Life, we often speak about The Science and Practice of Sustainable Success (with emphasis on sustainable).
Sustainable success is not about achieving more. It’s about creating a life that continues to nourish you rather than slowly depleting you.
That means caring for your physical health, emotional health, mental health, and your spiritual well-being. And just as importantly, your relational health.
Our relationships are not simply another category of wellness. They’re the environment in which many aspects of wellness either flourish or decline.
Healthy relationships provide encouragement during difficult times. They help us process stress, expand our thinking, remind us who we are when work becomes overwhelming, and they make celebrations more joyful and hardships more bearable.
Quite simply, relationships make life richer.
One of the most compelling bodies of research comes from The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on human flourishing ever conducted. Its findings have remained remarkably consistent across decades.
The strongest predictor of long-term happiness, health, resilience, and even longevity is not wealth, professional status, or fame.
It’s the quality of our close relationships.
Other research has reached remarkably similar conclusions.
Strong relationships help us strengthen immune functioning, improve cardiovascular health, protect against depression and anxiety, enhance cognitive functioning, increase resilience, and contribute significantly to overall life satisfaction. Simply put, healthy relationships nurture multiple dimensions of wellness simultaneously.
In other words, investing in our relationships isn't separate from taking care of ourselves. It is taking care of ourselves.
The Cost of Constant Digital Connectivity
We recognize that technology itself is not the enemy, and in fact, we’re grateful for the ability to video chat with family across geographical areas, collaborate with colleagues, access research instantly, and stay connected with those we love.
The challenge is not whether we use technology. The challenge is whether technology is quietly replacing moments that once belonged to the people sitting right in front of us.
We often reach for our phones without intention. Instead of leaning into conversation, curiosity, or simple presence, we fill the silence with endless scrolling.
These moments may seem insignificant. But relationships are built precisely through small moments repeated over time.
Earlier this year, we wrote about this very concern in our blog, "Put the Phone Down: A Loving Warning About Our Children's Mental Health." While that article focused on the next generation, perhaps the reminder is equally important for us as adults. Children learn how to connect by watching us. If we hope to raise emotionally healthy children and grandchildren, we must first model emotionally present relationships ourselves.
So here’s a small challenge. The next time you find yourself at a restaurant, take just a minute to quietly look around. Notice the conversations, the laughter, the tables where people are fully present with one another.
And notice the tables where everyone is somewhere else, physically together but mentally absorbed in a screen.
Don't do this to judge anyone. Do it simply as a gentle reminder, and then ask yourself one question:
Am I fully present with the people who matter most right now?
If the answer is yes, be grateful. If the answer is no, put the phone away. The notifications will still be there later. The moment you're living right now won't.
As we move toward what is, for many people, one of the busiest seasons of the year, our calendars will quickly become filled with deadlines, projects, school activities, family gatherings, celebrations, travel, and year-end responsibilities.
It’s easy to become so busy managing life that we forget to actually live it fully. However, we have the choice…to choose differently.
Let's be intentional about nurturing the relationships that sustain us and create space for meaningful conversations around dinner tables. Let's laugh more, listen more, notice one another more (at home and at work).
We can end the year feeling connected rather than isolated, energized rather than exhausted, hopeful rather than overwhelmed.
Sustainable success has never been only about work.
It has always been about living one integrated life, a whole life where our relationships, our well-being, and our work strengthen one another instead of competing for our attention.
Because in the end, our greatest accomplishments may not be found in our calendars, our titles, or even our achievements.
They will be found in the people who shared the journey with us. And life will always be richer, healthier, and more meaningful because of the relationships we choose to nurture.
