Why who you surround yourself with determines how far you go
There are seasons in life when change doesn’t knock politely. Rather, it arrives and rearranges everything. A job loss. A divorce. A diagnosis. A business failure. A parenting challenge. A move we didn’t choose.
Whatever it is, the ground beneath you has shifted and your brain is working overtime trying to make sense of it all. In these moments, the questions come quickly: How do I handle this? Why is this happening? What now?
If you’re here, you’re definitely not alone. We are all dealing with a lot of change and uncertainty at different levels. But whatever “this is,” will not feel as devastating forever as it does right now. Most importantly, you’re not without options.
Change feels so overwhelming because our brains are not wired for constant uncertainty. From a neuroscience perspective, the brain’s primary job is survival, not happiness. It’s constantly scanning for threats and trying to predict what comes next. When change arrives uninvited, it triggers the same stress response as genuine change: cortisol floods your system, your thinking narrows, and your mind loops back to the problem again and again because your brain loses its sense of predictability.
This is where rumination begins: the mental loop of replaying what happened, asking “why,” and imagining worst-case scenarios. It feels like problem solving, but it’s not. Rumination activates the brain’s default mode network, keeping you mentally re-living the event rather than processing it. This actually increases anxiety levels and emotional exhaustion, impairs decision-making, disrupts sleep, and keeps us stuck in the past instead of moving forward.
Add to this the brain’s negativity bias, or its tendency to focus more on what’s wrong than what’s possible, and it’s no wonder change feels so heavy.
While this is automatic, the good news is that it’s not permanent. We can learn to work with our brain instead of against it.
4 mindset shifts that help you move forward:
1. Move from “what’s happening to me?” to “what is this asking of me?
The first question keeps us stuck in the past. The second moves us forward. So trade certainty for curiosity, because the desperate search for certainty is exhausting! We may never fully understand why something happened, but we can decide how we will respond. This shift invites agency, not helplessness.
2. Release the illusion of control and move from “I’ve lost control” to “I can influence what matters.”
Most of our anxiety lives in the gap between what is and what we wish we could control. When you feel overwhelmed, ask: "What is actually within my control right now?" Then do only that. Redirect all energy away from what you can't change toward what you can to restore momentum.
3. Interrupt the rumination loop.
Rumination feels like thinking, but it's closer to spinning. When you notice you're replaying the same painful scene, name it out loud or on paper: "I'm ruminating again." That moment of labeling activates your prefrontal cortex, the rational brain, and begins to quiet the amygdala. It's a small act with real neurological effect.
4. Borrow from your past resilience.
You have survived hard things before. We all have. In its negativity bias, your brain tends to forget this. Actively recall a time when life upended your plans and you found your footing. That's not wishful thinking. It's evidence. And evidence is more powerful than fear.
These mindset shifts help us walk toward optimism, without engaging in toxic positivity. Optimism doesn't mean pretending everything is fine. It means believing that things can get better and that you have something to do with making that happen.
At the beginning of change, everything can feel permanent and overwhelming. But most of what you’re feeling right now is not a prediction; it’s a moment. You are more adaptable than you think. You are more resilient than you feel. And while difficult, this chapter may still hold possibilities you cannot yet see.
The goal is not to have all the answers. The goal is to take the next step with clarity, with intention, and with trust in yourself.
And from there, step by step, life begins to open again.
We’d also love to hear from you. If you’re navigating a challenging change or have a question you’d like us to address, email us at info@loveyourworkandlife.com. We read every message and share responses to your questions.
